I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
