is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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