Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
