Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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