Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize