I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
