I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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