Who wears a wallet chain?!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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