nut hugger
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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