Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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