And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
