watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize