I cockslap morals
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
