A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
