How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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