Too much gin, very little bucket
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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