Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
