We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
