My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
