Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
