porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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