if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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