wakey wakey hands off snakey
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You pole danced in your parka.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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