My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
