I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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