wrigley field is MILF paradise
Where is the hickey?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
