You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
