Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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