all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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