Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize