Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
