they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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