Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
