dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
