she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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