True but thats because hes a fetus.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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