she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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