im six kinds of drunk right now
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
