im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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