the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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