I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
