I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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