he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
