i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
