he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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