cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it was like eating out sand paper
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
