When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
