Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
