no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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