Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize