Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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