you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
