In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
