are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
