Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Randomize
