I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize