Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
