he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
