so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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