Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I need a beard to bite.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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