Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She's the barista slut.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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