JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
