You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
