Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
