he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i love accidental penises.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
