I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
