Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
