absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
