Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
