i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
