I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
