If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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