FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
