these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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