That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
