If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
