as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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