Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize