She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
